The counselling room is a place for sharing those tough stories, the ones you may not have shared with anyone else. As a client, it can be a combination of challenging, upsetting, and freeing. But what is it like for the counsellor?
In our personal lives, there may be times when we just can’t listen to someone else’s problems, where it feels just a bit too much, and we have to take a step backwards for our own mental health.
There are times when we don’t share our worries with the people we love, because we can see how much they’re struggling already.
It’s easy to take these habits into the counselling room and see the counsellor as occupying the same role as a friend or family member. Clients can find themselves censoring themselves, not delving into the uncomfortable details for fear of upsetting their counsellor, or adversely affecting their mental health.
And aren’t counsellors just people, the same as your family, friends, and work colleagues? What’s the difference between sharing the hard stuff with someone in your life, and with a counsellor?
Counsellors have an ethical duty to ensure they are psychologically well enough to work with clients.
It’s a counsellor’s responsibility to keep an eye on our own wellbeing and resilience levels. If we do not feel able to work properly with clients, we must take action to address this. This could mean getting our own counselling, taking a break from client work, or reviewing our self-care and work-life balance.
Counsellors are trained to practice empathy
When the counsellor sees things from your perspective, understands your feelings, and shares in your experiences, this is empathy. It’s the ability to step into someone else’s world. But just as important is the ability to step out of it. We will stay with you in the moment, and then take a step back when the session is over.
Counsellors practice self-care
All counsellors have their ways of looking after themselves, especially after working with some difficult themes with clients in sessions. Having a robust self-care plan is part of a counsellor’s practice, whether it’s exercise, relaxation, or spending quality time with our pets or friends.
Counsellors are prepared to hear distressing things
Trigger warnings have their place in society, but counsellors know going into any client session that they may hear something upsetting or uncomfortable without warning. That’s not to say we won’t react to hearing such things. Counsellors may express their shock, sadness, or even anger on your behalf. Having an emotional reaction to upsetting things does not mean we can’t handle it. It is an empathic reaction to hearing about someone else’s pain or distress.
For some people, because of their experiences, the idea of causing anyone distress can be unsettling. They fear that if they have an emotional impact on someone, they will be rejected or punished. It can be hard to unlearn these beliefs, especially if other people have reinforced them. Counselling can be an opportunity to break these patterns of sharing and punishment by talking to someone who will not judge or dismiss you, in a space where you are free to express your emotions, even the unpleasant ones, without repercussions.
You should not share more than you are comfortable sharing. But if your fear is that sharing your experiences might upset your counsellor, remember that the counsellor has protections in place, and can stay by your side even through the upsetting or unpleasant emotions.
Take care,
Charlotte
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