There’s a lot of buzz in the media about bad counsellors and their bad counselling practice. Whilst the majority of counsellors out there genuinely want to help, there are some things to look out for which might make you consider whether they can actually help you.
A lot of counsellors offer a consultation or assessment session, where you can both decide whether you’re a good fit with each other. But it is often in the first session that you get to see how the counsellor works, and whether that suits you.
This list is short, because many things are subjective, and depend on the counsellor’s theoretical approach, professional beliefs, and what the client wants from counselling. Counselling is an intensely personal process, and it is important to find a counsellor who meets your therapeutic needs and works in a way that suits you. If a counsellor doesn’t meet these criteria, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are a bad counsellor, they’re just not the right counsellor for you.
So, what is considered poor practice no matter what?
Your counsellor makes it all about them
Many counsellors now believe that some appropriate self-disclosure is a good thing. For clients, knowing their counsellor has a similar experience can help them to feel less isolated and more understood.
However, if you’re twenty minutes into a story about the counsellor’s life and you’re not exactly sure what you’re supposed to be getting from it, it might be a red flag. Counselling is your space – the counsellor may be there as a facilitator, guide, or listener. They should never be the main subject of the session.
Your counsellor has poor boundaries
People often go to therapy because they have problems with putting boundaries in place. A counsellor who doesn’t model good boundaries can be unhelpful, or at worst harmful. Poor boundaries can appear in a number of ways. The counsellor may be constantly late to sessions, or constantly run over time. They may touch you inappropriately or try to contact you outside of sessions in a non-professional capacity.
Your counsellor is not your friend. They respect and care for you, but friendships are based on mutual sharing whereas counselling is not.
Your counsellor doesn’t respect confidentiality
Most people can’t imagine anything worse than having their most personal and private thoughts shared carelessly with strangers. The things you share in a counselling session should never the subject of casual conversation.
Lax confidentiality can also mean inappropriate locations for counselling. Your session shouldn’t take place in a coffee shop, or, if you’re online, within earshot of the counsellor’s family members.
Your counsellor should explain to you when your personal information might be shared, such as for safeguarding issues or in clinical supervision. If they’re doing it right, they should be ensuring that your confidentiality is being protected as much as possible.
Your counsellor judges you
While your counsellor may be helping you to change unhealthy behaviours, they should never judge you for what you bring to sessions. Judgement is never helpful, and if your counsellor makes you feel bad about yourself, they are doing a bad job.
People need to feel safe enough to explore their feelings and to try out different ways of being and doing. When we are afraid of being judged, we are not truly honest.
Your counsellor makes promises about your success
There are no guarantees in counselling. And anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something.
Counselling requires honesty and hard work by both client and counsellor. Change can take time. Any change that is promised quickly and with minimal effort is not real and lasting change.
It may not be what you want to hear, but going into counselling without expectations of a “quick fix” can save you a lot of disappointment.
A final note
Counsellors aren’t mindreaders, and sometimes it can take a few sessions for everyone to really get into the groove of counselling. If you have an issue with the way your counsellor works, raise it. A good counsellor will welcome feedback and the opportunity to improve their practice and your experience of it.
It may be that the counsellor can’t accommodate something, and that’s okay, too. They can hopefully refer you to someone who can.
As always, take care.
Charlotte
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