Raise your hand if you think you could be a better listener to the people in your life.
Yeah, my hand’s up there. Because as much as I am trained to listen in my role as a counsellor, it’s not always easy to apply those skills in my personal life.
We all have things we want to say, days we want to complain about, advice we want to give. Sometimes these things get in the way of really hearing what our loved ones are saying.
Listening to someone, truly listening to them, is a gift. You wouldn’t believe the number of clients who say to me at the end of our sessions, just how good it feels to be listened to. It’s pretty safe to say that most of us could probably do a better job of listening to the people in our lives.
This isn’t about blame. The reason people are bad listeners is that they haven’t practiced the skills needed to become better ones. They might not have even realised that listening is a skill that requires practice as much as playing the piano or training for a marathon.
And, let’s be real, sometime we’re too excited or sad or tired to listen properly.
But sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is listen to them. When our friend is having a bad day, or suffering with their mental health, a kind and listening ear can make a world of difference.
Here’s some things to help you improve your listening skills:
Give someone your full attention. Body turned towards them, eye contact, and not looking at your phone all signal that you are listening and engaged.
Let them finish the end of their sentence before replying, even if you have something important to say.
Don’t assume they want advice. Sometimes people just want to vent or have someone commiserate with them. If you’re not sure whether they want advice or just a sympathetic ear, there’s nothing wrong with asking them outright.
Ask for clarification if you need to. You don’t need to pretend you get it if you didn’t hear or don’t understand something. Checking understanding shows you’re listening too.
Relax and be yourself. People sometimes feel intimidated when others share with them, or think they need to put on an act. Listening isn’t a test you have to pass, but a natural way to connect meaningfully with other people.
Real listening isn’t easy, and there will be times when it just doesn’t happen. But even making the effort can make someone’s day.
Take care,
Charlotte
Image by Esi Grünhagen
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